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We were married on September 27, 2009. We began our journey more than three years ago. We have had four losses to date and are still trying to conceive our sticky bean.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Jillian Evelyn

One year ago today, our youngest baby went to join her siblings inside Heaven's pearly gates.

This year has bought a lot of pain and anguish. A lot of medications and doctor bills. We have officially been trying for a year since our last pregnancy with no luck. In this year, we have put my body through hell with nothing to show for it. Sometimes, I wonder if Jillian was our last chance to get it right.

As I sit here, home alone, mourning without the support of my spouse, I try to remind myself of one thing: Joey. I know this may seem crazy, silly, or even stupid, to some, but it helps and I have to believe it to be true. One thing that has helped at least a tiny bit with all my losses was that God has some sort of plan. I don't always know what it is, and I sure as heck don't always agree (I mean, come on, taking FOUR of my babies?) but that doesn't change the fact that he has one. With Jillian, I firmly believe that He needed her to help Joey through transplant. Joey needed one extra angel and who better than a little girl who's mommy wanted Joey better so badly? You see, Joey went into the hospital for his transplant the week of Jillian's due date. I don't feel that's a coincidence. Joey beat all odds, he's here and doing better than the doctor's ever thought he would. I know God and His angels (Jillian included)had a hand in that.

2 comments:

  1. HUGE *hugs*

    BTW, I nominated you for an award over on my blog (http://galatians4-22-23.blogspot.com/)! =)

    ReplyDelete