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We were married on September 27, 2009. We began our journey more than three years ago. We have had four losses to date and are still trying to conceive our sticky bean.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Rough Couple of Days

Friday and Saturday were really difficult to get through. I know it was likely related to the upcoming anniversaries, but it sucks.

Friday, I subbed for an elementary art teacher. At one point, I was sitting at the tables talking with the students while they worked. The topic of families came up and the conversation went like this:

Kid 1: "Who lives in your house?"
Me: "Just me and my husband."
Kid 2: "You don't have any kids?"
Me: "No, we don't."
Kid 3: "So you just have a mommy and a daddy at your house?" (Yes!)
Me: "Not exactly. We don't have any kids, so we're not mommies and daddies yet."
Kid 2: (Back to her original question) "Why?"
Me: "It's just not time yet." (If this had been an adult, the answer would have been WAY different!)

What was I supposed to say?! The truth would've been very inappropriate, I think.

Then, Saturday, we set out to do grocery shopping. First stop was Costco. There were a good number of babies/toddlers there, but I was fine. Didn't seem to bother me at all. Then (after lunch) we went to Walmart. We grabbed cat litter and an extension cord before heading to the food. In the aisle with the extension cords was a very pregnant woman. For some reason, this really struck a chord. I started messing around on the iPhone to distract myself but then she walked closer. I ended up leaving the aisle while DH made up his mind.

After that, I purposely took the long way to the food to avoid the kids clothes and baby section only to find random baby stuff in the cleaning aisle!

Of course there were babies and toddlers everywhere in the store! One specific family I walked away from only to have them decide to head my direction!

It was all I could do not to break down in the store (multiple times). I swear, if we hadn't needed food so bad, I would have just given up and left. But we were in desperate need of groceries so I pushed on. I did refuse to get the milk though. I made DH go by himself to get it. (The milk is right next to the baby stuff.)

I did find that it passed after Walmart, but my mood was definitely less upbeat for the remainder of the day.

DH has been having a rough time recently, too. Friday night, he was struggling just to make it through Despicable Me. He said that the scene where Gru adopts the girls was hard to make it through. He said there were other scenes too, but that by the time he told me he could remember which ones specifically.

I know the night we put up the Christmas tree was rough on him as well (because he realized there weren't going to be any presents under it and there should have been a lot.)

Sorry this got to be so long. I don't guess I expect anyone to make it through this super long whine-fest. It helped a bit just to get it all out. (And if you did read it all, you deserve a cookie!)


  1. I made it through. Whine on. (((Hugs)))

  2. Oh honey, it's hard. It really is. ((hugs)) I avoided the infant section until the week before Erin was born. You're allowed.