About Us

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We were married on September 27, 2009. We began our journey more than three years ago. We have had four losses to date and are still trying to conceive our sticky bean.

Friday, December 17, 2010

I want to cry.

Once again, due to my emotions, I am copy and pating. I apologize to my JM readers.

IUI #1 failed. AF just showed. :cry:

DH wants to try unmedicated this cycle so that we can financially catch up. I really don't want to wait, but I understand his point. I hate this.

This means that we won't stand a chance at having a baby by our second wedding anniversary. It also means we won't even be pregnant of the fourth anniversary of starting this journey. FOUR freaking years. My niece (who was an accident and born after my THIRD miscarriage) will be TWO before we have one.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Change of plans...again

The RE said the lining was nice and thick (12mm)...any one know what's considered normal?

He was very pleased with the follies. I had two on the left measuring 29mm and 30mm and one on the right at 22mm.

However, I did get some bad news. The post-coital test was awful. Pretty much all of the sperm were dead. :cry: I feel like such a failure. I feel...betrayed. First I got pregnant really easily. Heck, Dominic was a bcp baby. I just couldn't carry. Then my body decided to stop ovulating. I got over that with the theory at least we'll still be conceiving at home...even if we need meds to get me there. But now my body decides to KILL the sperm. Really, is this some sort of cruel joke? Because, I'm not finding it at all funny.

So, anyway, our plan very quickly changed. We're triggering at home tonight (instead of in office this morning) and going in Friday for an IUI. Luckily DH has to do some work that requires the network to go offline so he had scheduled to work Friday night for today. (As opposed to his usual just switching days which wouldn't have allowed for the IUI.)

I feel as though I'm grieving in a way. Grieving my "natural" conception. Betrayed by the fact that my body can't do a single thing right. Terrified, knowing that even if we do conceive on this plan, there is no assurance that I'm even going to be able to carry the pregnancy to term. We never did get an answer about WHY I kept miscarrying.

This is our last ditch effort. We've already agreed no IVF. If this doesn't work, we're done. (Of course, I don't know how many IUIs we'll agree too...)