Jillian Evelyn

One year ago today, our youngest baby went to join her siblings inside Heaven's pearly gates.

This year has bought a lot of pain and anguish. A lot of medications and doctor bills. We have officially been trying for a year since our last pregnancy with no luck. In this year, we have put my body through hell with nothing to show for it. Sometimes, I wonder if Jillian was our last chance to get it right.

As I sit here, home alone, mourning without the support of my spouse, I try to remind myself of one thing: Joey. I know this may seem crazy, silly, or even stupid, to some, but it helps and I have to believe it to be true. One thing that has helped at least a tiny bit with all my losses was that God has some sort of plan. I don't always know what it is, and I sure as heck don't always agree (I mean, come on, taking FOUR of my babies?) but that doesn't change the fact that he has one. With Jillian, I firmly believe that He needed her to help Joey through transplant. Joey needed one extra angel and who better than a little girl who's mommy wanted Joey better so badly? You see, Joey went into the hospital for his transplant the week of Jillian's due date. I don't feel that's a coincidence. Joey beat all odds, he's here and doing better than the doctor's ever thought he would. I know God and His angels (Jillian included)had a hand in that.