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We were married on September 27, 2009. We began our journey more than three years ago. We have had four losses to date and are still trying to conceive our sticky bean.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Left Behind

Jude said it perfectly in TCF chat:

"I feel like I am standing still and the world is spinning without me. Sometimes I have to hold my breath and jump into the spinning world (to go to work, etc.) but most of the time I feel like it is just spinning without me."

If you've ever wondered what it's like to lose a child, there you go. I have felt this way many, many times. There have been times I've lost entire days caught up in my grief. When I lost Gwen, I may as well have lost three months. All I remember from that time is leaving the sales floor in tears while a coworker quickly jumped in at the register; not allowing Chris to so much as touch me; and having to tell my professors, his coworkers that we'd been pregnant and lost the baby. Oh, and I remember the hurt in my mother's voice when she realized we'd been pregnant and hadn't told her yet...he wanted to wait until 12 weeks. We were one week shy of that goal. :(

To say the world kept spinning while I sat still seems very appropriate. Even now I look back and wonder how on earth it's been four years since we lost Dominic and three since that horrible time with Gwendolyn.

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