TMI: Too Much Information

No, that's not a warning. What I mean is, I've come to learn that there really is such a thing. Again, I don't mean talking about how heavy your period is or what your cervical mucus is like, or even when you had sex. That's all part of being on a forum with women who are trying to conceive.

I love the women on JM. They're a huge support. But sometimes, I feel that I learn too much from them. For example, I now know that stillbirths aren't a thing of the past and the can and DO happen. I have this HUGE list in my head of things that can go wrong during a pregnancy, during a birth, and after birth. I know about the meds I'm on, when to expect which side effect, etc. Thanks to my JM ladies I have been able to have intelligent, informed conversations with my doctor. I have known what to ask him, what to expect, what monitoring should be done and when. They have prepared me in a way I never would have been able to prepare myself.

However, at times I wonder if I know too much. I spend my whole cycle worrying. "Will my meds work? Will the side effects be worse this month? How much worse? Did they work? Was that ovulation pain? It's too soon for that. Better go pee on a stick and see. Good it wasn't ovulation. Wait...what was it then? Is it a cyst? Did I not release last month? Is that why we didn't conceive? Does that mean this month was a waste of $200? Is my lining thick enough? What about my cervical mucus? Will that be better than last month?" That's just my worries up til now this month. If Wednesday's appointment goes well then there will be a whole new set of worries? "Did we have sex enough? Was it at the right time? Were sperm able to reach the egg(s)? Is the trigger gone? Is that nausea? Morning sickness? Flu? Wait, my breasts hurt, what's that mean? I just yelled at Chris...is that hormones or am I just being bitchy? Is that two lines? Am I seeing things?" Then if we are pregnant: "Do we tell people? Is this really our rainbow baby? Is that spotting? Was that that a cramp? Could it be happening a fifth time? Is the Heparin working? Can we find a heartbeat?" You get the picture. I just wish that sometimes I could be worry free and not think about all that comes with trying to conceive with medical assistance.