About Us

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We were married on September 27, 2009. We began our journey more than three years ago. We have had four losses to date and are still trying to conceive our sticky bean.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Two Years Ago

Two years ago, I was pregnant. Two years ago was the happiest time in my life. Chris and I chose to keep it a secret, only telling my employers because of the frequent bathroom trips I was having to make. Two years ago, I never would have imagined that I would be sitting here today, still "childless." Even when I miscarried her, I never imagined it'd take so long to actually have a baby.

Never in a million years did I think that we would have to seek fertility testing. I figured that when things calmed down, we'd conceive again and have our child. I didn't realize that I'd lose yet another baby just a few months later. As I sit here this evening, I look back on what should be. I shouldn't be on the computer. I should be getting two toddlers and an infant ready for bed! I should have three little ones by now. Instead, I sit here with empty arms waiting for morning to come so they can poke me again to take more blood for testing.

I sit here and I wonder why. Why me? (Why anybody?) What did I do so wrong that God feels I can't/shouldn't have a child?

1 comment:

  1. (((((HUGS))))) I hope you don't think that God is punishing you... He's not. I know it is soooooooo hard. I know you're tired of this, tired of empty arms, tired to trying... me too. But I never once thought it was b/c God was mad at me or thought I shouldn't have a child.

    John 9:3
    "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."