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Friday, October 30, 2009
What a day!
For those who are reading and who may not have experienced multiple miscarriages, you may not fully grasp this blog. My sister had her baby. While this is supposed to be a huge happy occasion, I'm NOT happy. I mean, yes, I love my new niece and would do anything for her, but damn it, it's not fair! My sister is 21. The baby's father...well, he's less than desirable. Destiny was not planned. After all my husband and I have been through, why does she get to have a baby and I don't? Damn it, why is it so fucking hard? I miss the innocence. I miss actually being happy for someone who has a baby.
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Though I haven't had multiple m/c's I do understand! :( It is extremely hard at times to wait on the Lord & His timing... I'm right there with you. (((((HUGS)))))
ReplyDeleteI have had multiple miscarriages as well... one at 24 weeks when I was 24 years old, another at eight weeks and then another at 13 weeks when I was 29 (back to back). Meanwhile, I had to watch my sister have five children, and the last two were twins conceived a mere four weeks after my final miscarriage. Finally I became pregnant with Jeremy when I was 30, carried him to term and had him healthy for eight weeks before he was diagnosed with HLH. I know exactly how that feels, and it doesn't feel good.
ReplyDeleteAfter Jem's diagnosis we decided not to try to have any more children, but as luck would have it I got pregnant while I was on the pill at 32 and carried a girl to term who has been healthy ever since. There's always hope!
I know exactly what you mean. Pace was born at the same time as my friend Jenny had a baby (Madden) - I saw pictures on Facebook of how old Madden is now 6 months... Pace should be that age, Madden will FOREVER be a reminder of where my love should be. I hate him for that, and it is NOT fair.
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