From the Beginning

Our journey started unexpectedly in January 2007 when conceived our first son.  We hadn't been trying and in fact had just started birth control.  We lost our little boy before we even knew of his existance.  For the longest time, I didn't even tell him (or anyone else for that matter).  I just dealt with it on my own and reminded myself that we were no where near ready to have a child together.

After some long discussions we decided that we were going to start trying to conceive in October 2007.  Amazingly, we got pregnant that very cycle.  We were elated.  We (like so many others) assumed that we had used all our bad luck and that of course we were going to have a healthy pregnancy.  We didn't tell anyone right away, choosing to sit on the news for a little while.  We enjoyed every minute of the pregnancy.  Around  9 weeks I even started to show.  On January 30th I began cramping and passing clots.  I immediately knew what was happening.  We were devastated.  I made it all the way to 11 weeks.

After losing our second pregnancy, I couldn't let him so much as touch me.  Even a simple hug would send me bawling.  Just a couple of months after the loss, I found justmommies.com  The ladies there are amazing.  They encouraged me to name the babies we had lost and give it time.  We named our first angel Dominic McDylan.  Our second angel was given the name Gwendolyn Elizabeth.

Not long after joining JM we started officially trying to conceive again.  To our surprise we didn't conceive right away this time.  (I had assumed we would because of the first two pregnancies.)  But we still didn't have to wait long.  In October 2008 we conceived again.  This time we were scared, but still hopeful.  After all, I blamed Dominic's loss on the birth control pills and figured Gwen's to be a fluke.  Sadly, through, at a mere 5 weeks  4 days, I began the  now-all-too-familiar process of miscarrying yet again.

With the loss of my third baby came anger.  Chris wouldn't admit that I was ever pregnant.  I think it was his way of coping.  I named our third little one Aiden Alexander.  I lost all confidence that I would ever carry full term.  I am no longer sure about the causes of my first two babies.

By this time we were nearing our wedding date, September 27, 2009.  We decided (for insurance purposes) to put trying to put trying to conceive on hold until after the wedding.  That brings us to now.

We are currently on our first cycle of trying to conceive this round.  This cycle has been more of a not try/not prevent.  We're hoping to go in for fertility testing soon in an attempt to get some answers.