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I contacted a woman regarding adoption a couple of weeks ago and at first it seemed perfect. There were some red flags from the beginning but given her situation we decided to take the wait and see approach. However, as time went on we became more and more uncomfortable with the situation. In fact, in her last email to me she admitted that the paternal grandmother may try (and succeed) to convince the father not to sign TPR. That combined with many other issues was just too much.
We've been hurt so many times. I can't keep this going and have it fall through in Dec/Jan. (She is due Jan 13th, but with it being twins, chances are they'd come before that.)
I had a breakdown today. The emotions completely blindsided me. It's like I got pregnant four times only to be told "Psyche! Just kidding. You can't have them." Then go on to adopt twins only to be laughed at again. Oh, and let's not forget the time we tried to adopt my nephew only to have that fall through...and the teen that was considering adoption only to miscarry. I feel like I'm some cosmic joke...like I'm just a toy for God and the angels or something.
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Hey there Augie, I know we haven't spoken in a long, long while, but I felt the need to weigh in on this topic. I don't believe that you are some cosmic joke in this endless game of Life that we are all playing. I believe, with all of my heart and soul, that there is a reason for you to be going through all of this now. Over the last few years I have done some growing up and I realize that God (and whoever else is up there) puts each one of us through trials and tests. These are meant to make us so strong that we're nearly mentally unbreakable. I think that the reason that He hasn't blessed you with a child yet is because He is making sure that you get the child that is right for you (and Chris) and that you will be able to handle everything that this child can throw at you. I have known so many people who have suffered greatly in life in order to receive those things which their hearts truly desire. It is only after they have passed all of the tests and survived the heart-ache that they truly appreciate and love that which comes to them. I know that someday you will have a child (possibly even multiple children) and that you will be the best mother to them that you know how to be. And I think that you will love them 10 times more than most because you have tried for so long to have one that you can call your own. Be strong, believe in yourself and the power of the love that you share with Chris, and one day your dreams will come true. Then you only have to worry about not pulling your hair out or going completely insane when the munchkin is doing everything they can to make you that way, LOL. DON'T GIVE UP HOPE!!!! :) Kim
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are feeling this way. I have had many days with the same emotions. Here is a glimpse of what we endured before we were blessed with our match:
ReplyDeletewww.gapbaby.blogspot.com/2011/05/q.html
After four failed pregnancies, I was at my weakest point and finally, we were matched. Hang in there (harder said than done), you will be blessed soon and this will all be a faint memory.
HUGS!!!
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I can't explain the reason(s) this is happening but from having a personal relationship with Jesus, I know that God is not cruel and does not do things just to hurt us. His motivation for everything is love, because he by definition is love. All I can do it urge you to read the Bible daily for comfort and reassurance of His love for you. You may not find a definitive answer for the "why" questions you want answered so badly, but lean on the One who calmed the seas to calm the storm in your heart. His Word says that He is close to the brokenhearted.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I do have faith that your miracle will happen sweetie, and will hold on to that even when you feel you can't.
ReplyDelete(Lady Valkyrie)