Missing out

I love my niece. I really do. It has been an amazing 16 months watching her personality develop and seeing the joy in her face when she learns something new. As much joy as she brings to my life, she brings some pain as well.

I am jealous of her mother. My sister was not at all ready for a child. Niecelet's father is much less than ideal. In fact, he hasn't even seen her since Christmas.

She's also a reminder. Aiden would be four months older than Niecelet. Watching her grow up and do new things is a reminder of what he would be able to do already. She's already pairing words together to make mini-sentences "See dat?" "Did dat." "Da! Ca!" (Dad! [gpa] Cat!) She's running, jumping, playing hide and seek, spinning herself in circles until she is incapable of standing...and these are just her new things. I will never get to see Aiden (or Dominic, or Gwen, or Jill) do any of it and it hurts. :(