About Us

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We were married on September 27, 2009. We began our journey more than three years ago. We have had four losses to date and are still trying to conceive our sticky bean.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Dominic McDylan

Such an odd middle name don't you think? I think my dad might have been joking when he suggested it. I really liked it at the time and Chris didn't protest. Now...I'm indifferent. I don't hate it, but I also don't love it. Oh well, what's done is done.

I can't believe it's been four years. I honestly don't know what would have happened if we hadn't lost him. We were not ready for a baby, I knew that. BUT I also know, without a doubt in my mind, that I would have stepped up to the plate and raised my precious baby to the best of my ability. I often wonder if our relationship would have made it had we had a baby so early. Regardless, I miss him. Just because he was a surprise baby doesn't mean he wasn't wanted and loved.

If you would have told me four years ago today that I would be married to Chris, I would have believed you in a heartbeat. If you would have told me that despite still being with him, we still wouldn't have any living children, I would have said you were crazy. Never in a million years, would I have thought that I would lose four babies in four years time. I certainly wouldn't have thought that after our last loss we'd go one to using meds for a year and still not even be pregnant. But, it is what it is. We can't change it and I accept that. I just wish I knew how it would end up. Am I ever going to be a Mommy to a living, breathing baby that I gave birth to?

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