Irrational Sadness

Today at work I attended a play. I was looking forward to the play since I knew almost all of the kids. However, at the very beginning I had this thought that I'd never get to see Katherine and Samuel in an elementary school program. Realistically, even if we hadn't lost the twins, we (I) plan to homeschool so our kids wouldn't be in these plays anyway. I tried telling myself this, but it didn't make the sadness go away any. :( It became a tad difficult to focus after that.

Little things

It's amazing the little things that can set off grief. I guess I've always known that this was the case, I guess I just forgot. Nevertheless, it always catches me by surprise.

The most recent was watching Father of the Bride. The scene where Nina (mom) learns of Annie's (daughter) engagement. In this scene, Nina is smiling and crying as she cusps Annie's face. Kinda like this:

This picture was taken as right as mom learned about the twins. My heart breaks even more knowing the pain she (and so many others) experienced with the loss of our precious babies. I know it's not my fault and that nothing could've been done but yet I feel guilty. I loved sharing my babies with everyone for those few days, but feel like an ass for dashing their hopes. :(