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Based on EDD's (estimated due dates) I should have an almost 4 year old (in Oct), a 3 year old (next week), a 2 year old (in less than a month), and an 8 month old (tomorrow).
I hate July. It's one of those months that provides a strong reminder of what I'm not allowed to have for whatever reason. I know we're working toward adoption, ever-so-slowly, but it's not the same.
Do I doubt that I'll love the adopted child any less? Not at all. I've always wanted to adopt. In fact, I wanted to adopt LONG before I decided I wanted biological children. It's more the fact of knowing that my genes will never be carried on, nor will my husband's. I will never create a life that gets to live outside of my womb. I will never feel a baby kick inside me. I won't feel those first bouts of the hiccups. I'll never have my water break. There are just so many things you cannot do with an adopted child that you could with a biological child during those first 9 months of the baby's existence. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't miss that.
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Hugs to you, Augie. I know right now that it's painful of think of all the things you are missing, but once you HAVE your baby and watch him or her grow, that fades. My mom spent 10 years - yes, you read that right - TTC before adopting. While I've been pregnant, we've talked about the fact that she never got to be pregnant, and she's told me that she doesn't regret it or miss it one bit anymore.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to follow your journey. It's definitely normal to mourn now, but I just know there is so much joy at the end of this road for you.
Thanks, Kel. That does help. :)
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to share my journey with you (and everyone else) as it unfolds. :)