Update

This month the RE decided to up my dose. Apparently, this is standard for him if you don't conceive first try on the med. I'm not sure I like that practice, but agreed to give it a shot since he's known in the community as "the Miracle worker". We have a follicle scan on Weds. to check my progress.

Meds this month (Cycle #5 of Clomid, #25 of actively trying):
Clomid: 100mg
Mucinex: 1800mg
Novarel: 10000miu
Prenatal Vitamin
B6
B12

Let's home it works!

Cycle one of Clomid, Musinex, and trigger has been deemed a failure. :'( I had so much hope this cycle. I even prayed every day "Please Lord, let this work. Give us our rainbow baby." It feels like a slap in the face. Seventeen days. Seventeen days after trigger before AF came. I was considering calling today anyway for betas. Instead, I get to call for my med schedule.

For some reason this month is so much more heartbreaking than the others. I don't know if it's because I allowed myself to get my hopes up so high or if it's because I had faith that my prayers would be answered. Maybe it's that this month/this last cycle marks the end of year three of us trying. Whatever the cause, I noticed that it seemed harder on Chris as well.

In the four years since our first loss, I have never seen Chris look so deflated. It broke my heart. He looked as though he were fighting back tears. He managed to hold it together though. At one point, I asked him how he managed to stay so strong. He told me he didn't know. Then he said "I guess it's because I don't let myself get my hopes up. :( He should have to have that as a defense mechanism.

I hate this! It shouldn't be this damn hard to have a kid.

Overdue update

I know, I should have posted two weeks ago. Unfortunately, life happened. Since my last update we've attended two parties, thrown one, and have been told my brother has cancer. In all the craziness, I haven't had time to update.

The meds went well. Clomid had little side effects this month, though I know it builds in the system so the longer I'm on it the worse it gets. The Mucinex was very annoying but tolerable. The HCG had no side effects on than tenderness at the injection sight. The day of the injection I went to the doctor for a follicle scan and lining check. (Clomid is known to thin the uterine lining.) My lining was nice and thick. I had two follicles that would release; one on each ovary. Their measurements were 23mm and 30mm. Anything over 20mm will release.

I did not chart this month or do much of anything to track ovulation. I meant to, but just never got around to it. Regardless, I have a basic idea when it was because of the meds and scan.

That brings us to now. Now, we wait. I have some possible early pregnancy signs: irritibility, my normal early pg cold, my breasts hurt...but I know that these may be nothing too. I'm due to start any day. (Again, due to not pinpointing ovulation I cannot say for certain when my period is due.) Dr. I said that if I didn't start by today he would do a pregnancy test. However, knowing my body and the games it likes to play, Chris and I have decided to wait until Friday morning to call him.

New plan :)

Yesterday we had an appointment with Dr. I again. Overall, I feel it was a good appointment. I had hope to get him to agree to put me on Femara. That didn't happen though. He apparently won't use it now that the black box warning is there. (Which I find odd since he doesn't agree with the warning!)

Anyway, on cycle day 1, I am to call to find out which days he wants me to take the Clomid. I'll start it somewhere between days 3-5. Basically it will depend on days of the week. I'll take the Clomid for 5 days, just like last time. The Clomid will block Estrogen receptors which will make my body produce FSH which I need to ovulate.

On the same day I start Clomid, I will start Mucinex. I will take this 3 times a day up until my next appointment. This is to thin my cervical mucous in hopes of making a more sperm-friendly environment.

One week after I complete the round of Clomid I go in for an ultrasound and post-coital test. The ultrasound will check the number of follicles I have and their size. The post-coital test will look at how the sperm and cervical mucous are interacting. (i.e. Are Chris's sperm able to live in my CM and swim through it?)

After the appointment, if all looks good we'll trigger with HCG. From my understanding this will trigger the release of the egg.

Dr. I feels confident that we can safely to 5 cycles like this if need be. Personally, I'm hoping not to take that long. :)

Tuesday

I have called and set up an appointment for next Tuesday with the RE. I'm slightly nervous that the appointment won't go well...Tuesday is already going to be a rough day as it's the day Jillian would have been due.

I realized this at the time I scheduled the appointment, but now I'm wondering if it was such a good idea after all. What if I go and for some reason we leave without a plan?

HSG and Femera

I just got through posting this on my support board so since I'm hurting, I'm just going to C&P instead of typing a separate blog.

It wasn't nearly as bad as I expected...though it was definitely uncomfortable. The biggest annoyance was that he kept telling me to "relax." Yea, dude, let me do this to you and YOU relax! lol

I'm still crampy but it's not even as bad as my period cramps. (Disclaimer: AF cramps usually result in me being curled up in a ball with no meds helping!) We even ran errands after the appointment and went to taco bell! Going to MIL's tonight for dinner for BIL's belated bday dinner. (I wouldn't wanna cook anyway.)

As for Fermera, I did ask him about that. He didn't seem like he wouldn't but wants me to think on it some and come in to discuss options more thoroughly first. He did tell me that the FDA has required Femera to add a "Black Box Warning" stating that there have been a reported increase of birth abnormalities. BUT there are several things to look at.

1. Femera was created at a breast cancer drug. Woman reporting this COULD be breast cancer patients who are also on other drugs and are taking Femera for a longer time period. Really, in using Femera for infertility, the drug SHOULD be out of your system by the time the baby is developing. Therefore, this could likely be the case.
2. The US is the only country to have reported this. (Canada and at least one other--don't remember which--also use Femera for infertility and have not seen this.)
3. Woman using Femera for infertility could likely have some genetic issues anyway that could cause abnormalities. There's no way of knowing if it's the undetected genetic issue or if it's Femera.

Given this, we are going to research a bit more, but are likely to request the Femera anyway. Oh, and btw, the HSG was normal. No blockages, no scar tissue!

Change of Plans...again

Once again, it's been a while since I've posted. Since my last post, Chris and I have been relaxing on the trying to conceive front. No temping, no charting, no opks, no meds, nothing. Just sex whenever the mood struck. And to prove my response to all those that have said "Relax and you'll get your baby" we have not conceived. In fact, I didn't even ovulate last month. (I know, you're thinking "how can she possibly know that if she's not monitoring her cycle.) I became fairly certain I didn't ovulate when my period came three days early and was light for one day before being done. How is relaxing going to get me anywhere if my body doesn't freaking work!?!

So, now onto what we're going to do. At my last RE appointment Dr. I informed me that if we weren't pregnant on our own be October that we would move to injectibles. Despite my fear of shots, I was excited to be moving forward next month.

In preparation, Chris and I talked a lot about it and we decided that we weren't comfortable moving forward with treatment until I had an HSG to check for any scarring from the infection or from our losses. After much procrastination, I called and requested this painful test. It is scheduled for Monday, Sept 20th at 8am.

While on the phone, I asked about the cost of the Bravelle and Hcg trigger. She told me that they would cost $950+ a cycle! I was devastated. I have been unemployed for a year. There is no way we can afford that. I managed to hold it together until I got off the phone and had a major breakdown. I posted on my support boards in the midst of the breakdown and, as usual, the women were amazing. Not only did the lift my spirits, they managed to renew hope. At the suggestion of a woman on the Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance board (followed up by my own research of course) we have decided to insist on Femera. Femera is similar to the Clomid I have taken in the past but studies have proven it to be more effective. In addition, the biggest concern I had when on Clomid doesn't apply to Femera.

That about concludes this update. I will post again within the next week.